The First love, the forever and the Goodbye

Love doesn’t get defined by labels, it’s the unconditional feeling, its just love

It was 2008, Vivan just joined college and was in his first year, hmmm the first year, its always about being shy and scared. He was busy trying to make friends and be in the popular group for survival. He was so naive, charming and creative that he soon became popular among his batch.  Then came the freshers day he was doing a song, that’s when he saw him, Hamdan and this is their love story, a love with no conditions, no limitations but with acceptance. As Roxette song says it must have been love...

They say that love at first sight is a myth but its actually true, it was love at first sight for vivan but I can’t say about Hamdan, coz I even doubt whether he noticed vivan.  Soon days were passing, I insisted vivan to talk to hamdan, but he was shy especially when there was nothing in common, vivan was in Commerce and Hamdan was doing English, Hamdan was in sports and vivan in cultural. Both of them never crossed paths and one year just passed. Vivan wasn’t ready to talk but he was still drooling over him. Let me give you a brief about Hamdan, he was in his 3rd year now and one of the handsome guy in college, with a cool bike and a handy, he two times girls and the best part is the girls knew it.

But god has plans for them, Hamdan’s cousin Ahmed joined college in math department and vivan had common friends with Ahmed.  One day when Ahmed and Hamdan was having a chat vivan came across and that’s when Hamdan said hello to Vivan and I remember clear vivan’s face he blushed and it was all love. But i had a feeling Hamdan use to check him out.

Still they haven’t talked to each other, and one day there was a protest in our college and the students was doing a march past. Hamdan was part of it so does Vivan and me, they both were together and that’s when they had a talk. The talk lasted for some time and days, now they became regular “ hi friends” in college. But Vivan wanted more he longed for more from Hamdan, with all his strength gathered he approached and chatted with hamdan. I never seen vivan laugh so hard. Vivan was vocal to me about his feelings, he came whispered in my ears “tonight he going to call at 9”. 

Next day I was curious to know did he actually call, a guy who is having couple of girlfriends actually called a guy. But to my surprise Hamdan did call him and that too exactly at 9. It was the start of a connection, something pure and something exclusive. They were so happy in each other company, even the girls were jealous about them. Next few months they were the happiest people I have seen. I don’t want to label but they were content in each other’s company. They went to the beach, rode around in his bike, laughed a lot, but it was all platonic.

Hamdan was senior and vivan was junior, even their closest friends started to poke them saying “you guys should get married”. They use to hold their hands walk around and don’t even care what the world says about them. Vivan being the pushy one insisted to exchange gifts during the valentine day. They both got their gifts and met near the lake they talked how they are happy with each other Vivan gave him an Angel figurine Hamdan gave him a House which he had last 20 years and all of a sudden they kissed. As the Sufjan Stevens song "the first time that you kissed me"

                                                      

They kept on meeting and even took their relationship to the next level. Soon the exams got over and hamdan finished his college. Vivan started his third year, but things were different he was alone even hamdan started to ignore him, it was sad to see. Vivan tried to Reach him but he was very abusive. Soon vivan stopped calling him. Vivan was sad and torn and crushed he felt he was mentally paralyzed...

   

Seven months later hamdan came to Vivan's house unannounced. Vivan was looking shabby and not in his best but they didn't talk, just hugged, cried and kissed.  The days were fine but it wasn’t as happy as before, there was something missing.  Later they had a talk and Hamdan was worried about the future, about his career and life, he said he is moving to London that year later.

Vivan was still in Bangalore, apart from the occasional calls, life was busy for both. After 3 years Vivan went to London for his further studies and work. He knew hamdan was living there but never tried to figure or find it. One day Vivan was in Tube travelling to meet his Brother and all of a sudden he saw Hamdan in the same tube. They smiled and was so happy, there was so much of rush they were out of words.

They went to closest Starbucks cafe to have a little chat and then hamdan told the entire story about how difficult it was  for him to move but he didn’t have a choice, he did it for his family. Its was the early 2010’s he didn’t know if it was right or wrong. But he said he missed vivan every single day. Vivan said he missed Hamdan too but he understands all. He said he loves Hamdan’s family and wont do anything to hurt them.

Hamdan also told he is engaged and vivan said he is happy to hear that, later he met Ira his fiance. Today he loves Hamdan’s kids and Ira more than anything in the world. He still remember the line Hamdan told him back then " You are my life, my boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, father, mother, Brother and Sister" and considers him to be most luckiest person even if he have to let him go.

I always envy what they had, it was not selfish and very much sacrificial. They were so secure about their love and they knew it was forever. We don’t need to define our relationship but we need to understand and be secure about it. Things may not happen as expected but the love remains, coz there is so much beauty in this world.

Today there so much beauty in their world because they live a very happy life, they know they have each other's back. And when I ask Vivan is this your last love, he replies saying love is unconditional, their love was pure but the situations werent right but he will never blame anyone because he have wonderful memories which will keep him going and he says no matter boyfriends/ girlfriends will come and go in his life

he will love Hamdan forever always 

 and you cant just say good bye...XOXO

and as far i am concerned F#$* the society hard because you live only once and live the way you want, do what makes you happy and do what you feel is right, xoxo.